THE IRISH INDEPENDENT: SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL: THE DANISH WAY OF TACKLING TABOO

By Saoirse Hanley

The landscape for today’s teenagers has changed considerably, writes author Iben Dissing Sandahl in her book The Danish Way of Raising Teens. With a new era comes fresh approaches to sexuality, identity and the defining pillars of transitioning from a child into almost-adult. Throughout the book, she outlines ways parents can approach this brave new world.

In Irish society, attitudes towards sexuality in particular have shifted considerably in the last decade or so, with widespread reform in political and educational spheres. These shifts impact the lives of teenagers too, explains the author. “In general terms, in the same way I speak to my children and clients about death, grief, fear, and happiness, I talk with my daughters about sexuality. Lust and the desire to explore this world do not disappear for your teens because you do not talk about it,” Dissing Sandahl writes.

She adds that it’s not just about juvenile talks of birds and bees, but rather reframing ideas of passion, consent and sexuality in a realistic way. “You can let them know that they can always come to you
if they have questions, make yourself available, and speak positively about others,” she writes.

The internet has been a catalyst for change, she adds, and it allows today’s teens to find answers to their questions about bodies and boundaries online, in a way their parents couldn’t. But with the vast amount of information available, not all of it is helpful.

“The internet is like a buffet where everyone can taste a
little of it all without knowing the recipes and ingredients,”
she writes. “You only see the perfect body, the big muscles,
or the happy and carefree lives without knowing the depth, the shadows, and the extinct stars. The overwhelming and unfiltered amount of data on the internet that your teen has to deal with, is a little unnerving. Therefore, your role in setting some directions
for their choices is crucial, as their compass hasn’t found North, South, East, and West yet.”

Dissing Sandahl also discusses the alarming rates of alcohol consumption among young people in Denmark, none of which will be shocking to Irish parents. But acknowledging that your teenager will drink, if that’s what they intend on doing, can be far more advantageous than forbidding them to and hoping they stick to it. Instead, she advises deciding on a clear path or plan together, and letting your teenager feel like it’s another thing that they can discuss openly. “Rarely does your teen do anything deliberate to intimidate and hurt you, but will challenge agreements you make when not including them. Agreements made jointly and unanimously make the whole difference. It is all about involving them in decisions and finding a middle ground where both parties feel heard and met.”

The Irish Independent, January 25. 2023